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About Relational Cultural Theory

In most conventional therapy, the goal is to help you grow by becoming independent. Relational theory says the opposite. We must have authentic and mutual connection in relationships to grow and change. Disconnection in relationships is the source of psychological problems.

As a Relational Therapist, Randy talks with you about your relationships. Instead of focusing on becoming independent, we focus on how the history of your relationships, from your family of origin, to all the significant relationships in your life have framed the way you feel about yourself and others. Together we use therapy as a lab clients use to heal other relationships in their lives.

Dr. Jean Baker Miller originated these theories in her book “Towards a New Psychology of Women.” In this book she describes the "Five Good Things" that are consequences of growth fostering relationships.

1. A sense of zest or well being that comes from connecting with another person;
2. The ability and motivation to take action in the relationship as well as in other situations;
3. Increased knowledge of oneself and the other person;
4. An increased sense of worth;
5. A desire for more connections beyond the particular one.

These theories were written by and for women because the model of psychology was written by and for men. The whole model of healthy psyche was not something a healthy woman could relate to. But as men became more committed to having emotional lives in their marriages and relationships, and more aware of those holes in our lives; we also became aware of our need for connection. And that is how and why this model is so deeply important for men, even though we don’t always “get it” the way women do.

We now understand that chronic disconnection can have horrible consequences, psychologically as well as physically. Relational Cultural Theory teaches that we are NOT our feelings. When we begin to see the world through the lens of relationships, then the destructive nature of isolation can be seen. When we see the world through the lens of relationships, the healing nature of connection can be felt.

Lexington Counseling Center with Randy Markey MSW LICSW counsels in Lexington MA and surrounding areas including Arlington, Acton, Belmont, Burlington, Bedford, Cambridge, Concord, Carlisle, Lincoln, Newton, Winchester, Wilmington, Wayland, Weston, Waltham, Watertown, bringing connection and communication to couples with relationship problems.